Students of Berkeley High are no strangers to the diversity of scents that linger around campus. Some pleasant, some putrid, some strong, and some faint. This article intends to examine the most evident scents that envelop our school.
Axe Body Spray
Many Berkeley High students are turning to a less than favorable grooming technique: drenching themselves in Axe Body Spray. Oftentimes, one will experience this god-awful scent when perusing the hallways. One will find themselves paralyzed; stopped abruptly by the pungent scent of body odor, poorly covered up by Axe Body Spray. These two odors coalesce, resulting in something even more nauseating than a septic tank. And despite the repulsiveness, students seem quite drawn to the use of the fragrance. When a student we interviewed was asked if he would ever consider hygiene, he replied with conviction, "Nah, I'm sticking with Axe. The bottle says that you stay fresh for up to 48 hours. Plus, they just released a leather and cookies scent. How could I pass that up?" Another student remarked, "I use Axe on balls and Dior Sauvage on the neck. That way, if shawty wants a smooch, I be smellin' hella fresh." We were crestfallen to hear that students are unaware of the detrimental effects of Axe. Only one concentrated dose of the Axe-sweat stench has the potential to exterminate an entire anime convention. Furthermore, Axe body spray users are truly the most shameless and ignorant of our generation, as they assume that a can of said spray can be used in lieu of a shower. This is grossly untrue. Water and soap are not key ingredients of Axe Body Spray, but they are crucial aspects in attaining bitches. Hence, we speak for the overall community when we say please, please clean yourself up (use Manscape Lawnmower 4.0). And when the promised day comes that you enter a shower, make sure to thoroughly clean thy ass, as that is a commonly missed area.
The Infamous Stink Bomb
Another notable odor is the infamous stink bomb. This scent is crafted with malicious intent and its impact on the community is unrivaled. We wanted to further investigate how these horrendous acts have struck the Berkeley High community by interviewing various students. A senior in AC, who requested to remain anonymous for now, detailed that the stink bomb "smelled so fucking bad" and "made me cry profusely". Another student in AMPS we interviewed explained how "this boisterousness must be put to rest. It may seem like simple buffoonery for now, but if it doesn't stop... it could evolve into something much more silly". It is critical that the stink bomb problem is addressed immediately.
Zaza in G1
Lastly, an aroma that is adored by most: that zaza in Gl after lunch. The G and H building experiences a huge influx of students after lunch, mainly due to a huge percentage of math and science classes occurring at that time. What ensues during the 45-minute lunch period is not a secret: many students partake in the use of narcotics. And it's quite apparent that marijuana is held in the highest regard. It's so popular that even some Berkeley High authority figures would indulge themselves in a blunt if given the opportunity. Every day after lunch the scent surrounds you, making itself more prominent than any other time of day. The weed that is smoked at lunch leaves a quickly fading smell. Zaza fragrance is subtle until the G1 boys' bathroom is hot-boxed to death. Upon opening that bathroom, a rush of odors spill out and pollute the entire hallway of the first floor.