Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson, author of 12 Rules for Life has evolved into a controversial figure, now often found commenting cynically on modern masculinity and “the demonic evil of feminism”. The Blazer, amongst other esteemed news sources, were intrigued by Peterson’s antics and unconventional “influencing”. We luckily were able to score an interview with Peterson after agreeing to his demands of a lifetime subscription to Men’s GQ Over 50 Edition. “I just love Men’s GQ…it really, really sparks this neurochemical response that I think, frankly, all men should have when looking at other men. When I see…when I peer into a male-directed, male-made magazine...” Imperatively, The Blazer staff had to cut off Mr. Peterson’s invigorating monologue and discuss the topic at hand: Public Display of Affection, colloquially known as PDA. “Exposure to PDA skyrockets as teens approach and assimilate to high school, not to mention older grades,” says Peterson “This corresponds to the reservoirs of hormones all stored up, leaving adolescents with intense urges to express them. You see, the pandemic left young people without a mode of expressing horniness; they only had body pillows and Discord. They did a study recently at the University of Toronto that ‘Discord intercourse’ had increased astronomically with the progression of the pandemic. In fact, even I had some Discord kittens.”
We asked what Jordan Peterson thought about the effect of PDA for the long-term, to which he explained that, “PDA is teaching children to be sexual deviants and express their urges publicly. It impedes and hinders the ability to form a productive society. It’s, well… it’s frankly sad to see these hallways, no, this world, tainted by the pursuit of, crudely, fucking.” After meticulously cross examining sources, Sigma Freud, Head of Political Analysis for The Blazer, discerned that Peterson’s stance appeared to align with a “conservative traditionalist who is against abortion but would probably ask his mistress to get an abortion if she got pregnant”, despite the fact that he denies any partisan affiliation. “Just speak your fucking truth,” said Peterson before leaving the studio shortly after.