There are only two constants at BHS: homework and noise. Students love noise; something about a rowdy classroom, a disruptive comment, or a frustrated teacher seems the antidote for staving off the grating reality of the fifth period that never ends. Among the noise, if you listen carefully, you can hear words. Students, speaking to each other, talking about how crazy that party was, how pretty that person is, how fucked they are for that test. Sometimes, the conversation is unintelligible. We’ve heard all manner of things, and found this legend helpful all the way; a guide to understanding the different languages spoken at BHS.
Pretending to be drunk: Eyes half open, brazenly yelling, lurching into you. Depends on the person, but the rule of thumb is that nobody is showing up to school inebriated. An incommunicable language; they only want to tell you something, and nothing you say matters to them. “Dude I’m so drunk right now oh my god,” is your sign to roll your eyes and leave.
Spanish: Did you know there’s a whole country of people that speak this language? Multiple countries, actually. Some easy phrases to get by with: ‘Hola’ is ‘hello.’ Make sure to not pronounce the ‘h.’ ‘Estoy bien’ is ‘I’m good.’ Can be replaced with ‘está bien’ for more general use. ‘Chinga tu madre’ is ‘Thank you very much.’ Many phrases in Spanish use ‘madre’ which normally means ‘mother’ in unconventional ways. Despite appearances, calling someone ‘madre’ is not the same as saying they are slaying, or serving.
Trying to be in high school again: Employed by teachers when trying to build rapport with their class. Most common sign is that when they inevitable say ‘fuck’ or ‘shit,’ it sounds like their first time swearing. Do not engage.
Wants you to ask them how many hours they slept last night so they can say something like ‘four.’: This is the same, almost worse, than the fake drunk; they’re trying to get a response on something so mundane. Shut up? Sleep better? Best response: “You are incapable of real human connection,” then walk away.