The primary complaint last issue was that the Blazer wasn’t funny enough. Below are concepts, excerpts, and other assorted jokes that we felt were funny, but couldn’t find their way into any articles.
Last week, Blazer operatives intercepted a package heading for the floor directly below Blazer offices. The package contained: smelling salts, a six-pack of Passionfruit La Croix, a printed copy of the entire WikiHow page on ‘How to Write (with Pictures)’ and 150 copies of the Cardigan.
If I had a gun with two bullets and I was trapped in a room with two Jacket Writers, I would shoot myself twice.
The C1 hallway is an experiment to see how long people can mentally endure feeling entirely trapped.
Certain white boys have gained the power to bring weed pens to their hand like Mjolnir.
As new freshman class enters, BHS Stock Market shows oregano sales up 200%; cannabis sales actually decrease as seniors make one final attempt to “lock in”. Said sales re-assumed their dominant market position after just one week.
The Berkeley High School Collective Consciousness, a text-based AI model trained off of all conversations at BHS, has created its first sentences: “Mind if I hit that?” “Juan Raygoza money long,” and, “yeah, and just to piggyback off of that.”
If Harrison Blatt is walking around with golf clubs, that means Juan Raygoza is here today.